Roller Coaster

It's funny how one event can change some one's mood so drastically. Last Wednesday, I was feeling really awesome. I was better than good. I sang Bohemian Rhapsody as loud as I could, and it felt great. Then on Saturday I got an email from my (adoptive) dad. Just seeing the email made me feel anxious. Then I read it. My granddad passed away. I can't believe it. One more thing to add to my list. I was fine all day Sunday and most of today, but this evening, I lost it. I had a meltdown and cried and cried and cried. And it's not just about my granddad. It's about my dad in general. In an hour or so, my dad is going to call, and I am going to have to talk to him. The very idea of speaking to him on the phone makes me feel sick. I feel so...empty. It's like all my energy and happpiness has been drained and I've been filled with despair and patheticness. And I hate it. But I don't know how to make it better, and it kills me. I don't know how to make myself happy. I always find a way to find the bright side, but right now, I can't. I'm done.

I thought I was doing better. I thought that maybe things were gonna be ok. But now, I can't imagine anything that can end my bad mood. Except some chocolate. In all seriousness, I'm going through another rough patch. People keep telling me that things will get better...I'd like to believe them.

Sorry for this depressing post, I'm just focusing my energy on not falling apart right now.

I wish I had a quote to put here............

Love you all.

Forgiveness

I am not going to hold grudges anymore. It's not worth the energy. I am going to learn lessons from my mistakes and then move on.

I've forgiven those who have hurt me recently. This doesn't mean that I've forgotten everything that they've done, or that everything will go back to "normal". It means that I'm not gonna be mad at them anymore.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason."

Unfurl your wings

I have decided I'm going to be happy. Now matter what come my way, I am going to get through it, with a smile on my face. There are so many people in worse situations than me. Like starving children in Africa. Or families living in the "slums" of India. Or women being abused by their husbands. The list goes on and on. I am doing WAY better than these people. I am better than good.


"Don't worry, be happy." - Bob Marley

"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life." - John Lennon

Peace, Love, and Happiness to you all.

New Beginnings

Today was the first day of school. I'm pretty happy with my classes, all of my teachers seem nice, and I have friends in almost all my classes. Overall, I feel...tired. And kinda hungry...I should do my blood sugar...Anyways, I'm mainly tired 'cause I woke up at 7am today when I've been waking up at 9 or 10 (or 11:30). Also today we went to all eight of our classes, just to get the sense of where they are and meet the teachers and stuff, so basically I did WAY more walking around today then I usually would at school. I'm not trying to complain, but finding your way around a two story, rather large (in my opinion) school in the midst of around 2000 other people when you only have a basic idea of where you're going...it can be a bit stressful, to say the least. Although it certainly doesn't seem as daunting as my first year there...

So, continuing on, just wanted to put up a post to update y'all. Not much going on with me really, although my uncle's wedding is coming up, which normally wouldn't be THAT exciting except I get to walk my two year old cousin down the aisle since he's gonna be the ring bearer and my uncle needs someone to 'keep an eye on him'. Along with the fact that my little cousin is adorable and I love him heaps, I get to wear a super cute dress along with these new shoes I got that are kinda like fashionable combat boots. My grandma is probably gonna freak but it looks pretty darn cool, if I do say so myself.

Other than that, there's not much else to report...but I seriously am hungry and possibly low, so I gotta go.

Here's a quote for the 'new year'.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.