Rising sun

Hey there everyone.
I realize my last post was fairly depressing, and I just wanted to clarify something. Despite the fact that my life is kind of stressful right now, I still manage to enjoy myself.
Small joys that brighten up my day, like jamming it out to Bohemian Rhapsody while everyone else is asleep, and watching the sunrise, or late night texts to people I miss and trying to supress my laughter because I don't want to wake anyone up.
And of course, I have big joys from the past that cheer me up. Like singing Bohemian Rhapsody on stage with some of my closest friends and going all out with air guitar and everything. Or surprise dance parties with dub step and chocolate milk. Or inside jokes that never stop being funny.
And I have lots of things to look forward to. Like my yearly visit with my birth family (which starts tomorrow!). And seeing T so I can finally give her a big hug. And visiting M in the fall and meeting all her awesome friends.
And that's how I get through my days. Working on my letter to my dad, trying to focus on the happy things, taking it one step at a time. A few texts to T and A here and there, all my emails to M.
I love my dad, despite everything, and I hope that one day I'll be able to talk about him without being upset, or angry, or depressed.
I hope I'll be able to forgive him.
I hope I'll be able to forgive myself.
I'd like to say I know things will be okay. But I don't. And that's okay.
The sun will continue to rise, no matter what. My life will continue without my dad.