Roller Coaster

It's funny how one event can change some one's mood so drastically. Last Wednesday, I was feeling really awesome. I was better than good. I sang Bohemian Rhapsody as loud as I could, and it felt great. Then on Saturday I got an email from my (adoptive) dad. Just seeing the email made me feel anxious. Then I read it. My granddad passed away. I can't believe it. One more thing to add to my list. I was fine all day Sunday and most of today, but this evening, I lost it. I had a meltdown and cried and cried and cried. And it's not just about my granddad. It's about my dad in general. In an hour or so, my dad is going to call, and I am going to have to talk to him. The very idea of speaking to him on the phone makes me feel sick. I feel so...empty. It's like all my energy and happpiness has been drained and I've been filled with despair and patheticness. And I hate it. But I don't know how to make it better, and it kills me. I don't know how to make myself happy. I always find a way to find the bright side, but right now, I can't. I'm done.

I thought I was doing better. I thought that maybe things were gonna be ok. But now, I can't imagine anything that can end my bad mood. Except some chocolate. In all seriousness, I'm going through another rough patch. People keep telling me that things will get better...I'd like to believe them.

Sorry for this depressing post, I'm just focusing my energy on not falling apart right now.

I wish I had a quote to put here............

Love you all.